It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
