suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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