could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
