Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
