Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
