I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
