We're like a lot better than the average bears
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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