I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
