Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
