i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
