So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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