im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
