I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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