Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
