Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
