I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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