No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
