i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
