mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
