She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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