No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
