i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
