I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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