i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
