My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
