He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
