The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We got so high we made milksteak
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
