Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize