I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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