I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You ruined the universe
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
