Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she looked like the before picture.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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