jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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