I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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