My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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