i just sent this text using only my big toe
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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