Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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