She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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