If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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