Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
