I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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