I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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