dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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