How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Enjoy the penises
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
