Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
