i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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