Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
