first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I checked into jail on foursquare
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
