I wish life had little blips of pornography
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
