I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
