he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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