Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
