It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
