Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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