Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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