I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
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