i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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