Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
