I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
