Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
