apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
