the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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