I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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