i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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