I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
