Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
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