and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
