He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
