I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You smell like stripper and shame
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
