i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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